you're a good boy, mom

I overheard a little boy shopping
with his momma.
I don't know what happened to make
him say that.
but I heard what the mom said in response.
"I'm a good boy,  mom? Thank you."

And I wanted to give them both a hug.
obviously this cute little fella hears
those words, often.
and he's learned to appreciate others.

the little guy is right,
his mom is a "good boy".

i'm growing up

which is really a nice way to say
"i'm getting older."

on my desk are 2 legal things i need to deal with.
years ago, say in my 30's, i didn't have legal stuff
on my desk.
more likely it was letters, 
(remember that ancient form of communication
before computers and cell phones? )
or creative master pieces made by the
youngsters who lived with us way back when.

old. older, 
it happens.
and you know it not only by the legal stuff 
on your desk,
but by the fact you would just as soon
swim in the cool water rather than take a 
chance on hurting a body part as you go 
screaming down the water slide.
it looked like it could be fun.
brown-eyed-handsome-man said it was.
he did each slide.
and then the yellow one again
because that's his favorite color.
and then he was done.
so maybe that fun is short-lived.
:)
or maybe he began to think about getting 
older too.

another getting older possibility
is long car rides and i just don't do as well.
i mean 12 hours in the car is
5 hours too many.
and if we don't stop every few hours
i limp like an 'old' person when i get eventually get out.
i need the oil can to get the joints moving.
sigh.

lucky for me brown-eyed
man is in agreement.

old, older???


also now i'm having fun looking at 
old photos.
having fun looking at old photos???
you screech.
i know, 
but it's true.

i remember when my folks did that .
i thought it was
b o r i n g.

sigh...
sure hope growing up
doesn't mean you get b o r i n g. 


okay..  i heard that.
i am not already boring.
get that thought right out of your head.


i mean with a grandpa who once dressed like this
how could i be?

 

 
 

 

i just need to rest my eyes...

so i lay down,
eyes close...
and ...
two hours later i can finally get 
my sleep-drugged body to wake-up.
and it has taken me about 30 minutes to do so.

 i got up so i can go to bed.

7:30 in the evening might not be the 
best time to take a  2 hour nap.
i'll let you know.
 
good night. 

of all the things i've lost...

i've not found one yet!

in march i lost a paycheck.
yes a paycheck.
fortunately they re-issued it.
a few months later i lost 2, 
not 1, but 2, 2, ( two mints in one) gift cards. 
they are still missing of course.

yesterday i realized i had lost something,
or forgot something, or
some such thing..
and today i have NO idea what it was.
( this counts double doncha think?)

today i showed up 1 hour early for 
a massage....
so i got a hair cut too.

if you see me wandering around
looking lost..
it would be a kind thing to tell me my name
and point me in the direction of home.
or a nice beach.

thank you..
who-ever you are.

p.s. if you know the reference to the 
"two, two, two mints in one," please share.
i'm thinking it's double mint gum,
but these daze,
i don't really trust my thinkin'.  

coincidences?? nope..busy God

my heart was filled up with babies on saturday.
just what i needed because it had been feeling 
a bit lonely for mom. 
especially since it was her birthday.

i knew i was going to meet one little sweetheart 
on saturday evening. it had been planned for months.
that 10 month old beautiful blond girl was full of smiles
and energy.
the surprise came when i got to meet a 12 week old 
handsome charmer too.
he and his folks popped in for a brief visit.
just enough to love on him and watch 
his face light up when he sees his momma
and daddy. 

seeing those babies reminded me of how much 
mom loved babies. helped me feel a bit connected.

well.... daughter-bride, had the same experiences
where she lives.
her heart was lonely too, 
and God plopped a baby in her lap today to 
love and snuggle on. literally, plopped a 
friends baby on her lap. 
she rocked him to sleep, snuggled with him,
and just felt the love. 
she said it reminded her of her grandma,
and that was a good thing.

plus, we both got told how much we look
like my mom.
just at different times of moms life.
me, as my hair is gray and face a little rounder.
and daughter in her twenties with that dark hair
and gorgeous smile. 
also those brown eyes full of expression.

we found it rather sweet that God was taking 
care of both of us, in very much the same way.
He's like that.
a customized heart-taker-care-of-er.  

you can go home again

i went to church with my dad on sunday
in honor of mom's birthday.
bird and her hunter hubby were there too.

it was the first time i had been back
to my home church since mom's funeral. 
wasn't sure how my heart would behave.
 i made it through the first song tear-free,
until i saw birds red eyes.

the hardest to sing were the words
"my chains are gone,
i've been set free,
my god my savior
has ransomed me.
and like a flood His mercy reigns
unending love, amazing grace." 

it took me back to the day mom died.
the suffering she had,
and eventually the peace.
her broken body was set free in january.
and now her spirit soars.

 
one of the best parts of my time in my 
old home church were the comments.
" you look just like your mom"
"more and more you look like your mom"

to which i always smile big and say
"thank you." 
that's an honor for me.
(gray hair, double chin and all.)
i hope it makes them feel as good
as it does me.  


they had a visiting minister since theirs was away.
lucky me, it was a man who had pastored 
there when i was growing up.
was great to see him and his wife.
plus it was good to be in a place where
the people had know mom longer than i did.they loved her deeply
so i know they miss her too.

one sweet long-time-family-friend,
Jackie, said to me with eyes glistening,
" every once in awhile your sister will
say "amen", and i hear your mom." 

we gave mom a garden bouquet.
just some zinnias, black-eyed susans,
and a smattering of roses.
colorful, cheery, and so mom-like.
and yes, we do this for us.
to honor our flower loving mom.
daddy had his hanky out a few times,
and he asked us,
"how old is she?"
"80 pops."
he crumpled a bit,"oh my".

to lighten things we commented
" and you've probably known her since she
was 17 right?"
" no, she was 16".
 oh my

that's a really long time to love.
i'm glad he did. 
 
 
 

happy birthday momma

today this little girl would be celebrating

her 80th birthday.

 at her grandpa's house with her dollies.

 mom and her cousin/best friend berta on mom's birthday.
"I always had watermelon on my birthday when I was little".
i like to think these two cuties are getting some watermelon 
in heaven today, together. 

 mom and her big sister Marian, who she often called, Marianna.
two beautiful girls, who died within the same year, actually. 

 engaged to her handsome farmer in 1949.

 committing her love to the love of her life.

 being silly with her two younger sisters.

 in 1959 with her three favorite kids.

 mom and me on my wedding day.

 mom, me, grammie sarah, and katie anne, 
four generations in 1988

 loving on her sweet momma with Rebekah Rose. 1996

 meeting a new great grandson for the first time.

 celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary in 2010.

 the folks with daughters and sons-in-love

 with family who came to celebrate too. mom dearly loved family.

 celebrating christmas 2010 with a table full of family.

 bald, but still so beautiful. November 2011.

i could go on and on,

happy birthday in heaven momma.
i bet you're having a big celebration with all 
your family there.
 
 

oh the heart...what things it makes me feel.

in the past weeks brown-eyed-handsome-man 
and i have ventured lots of places.
he's a history buff so as we venture we get to
check out historical stuff.
some of it is more interesting to me than others.

but, along with him, i wanted to see Pearl Harbor 
when in Oahu.

i find it hard to describe how it made me feel.
the grounds/park/whatever you get to tour before
taking the ferry to the memorial is very informative.


we witnessed, accidentally, the retiring of a naval officer.
the pagentry and emotion displayed brought tears to my eyes.
you could feel the love for the retiree and the pride 
from her family. 
from her elderly relatives who slowly participated to
the energetic kids. 
i loved the family connectedness.

as we rode the ferry to the Arizona memorial
i was fine.

but once i got on the actual spot...
not so fine.
it was all i could do to look over the edge, hunting for the
ship. and it's easy to see.
but my heart.
oh that fickle, tender organ.
my heart broke for all those still buried there.
for the fear, pain, anxiety they might have experienced.
and then for those who loved them deeply.
and mourn them deeply.
i also thought of the sacrifice that was made,
and is made by armed service people everywhere.
and it's made for me.
you...
our families.
so if you were on that memorial the same day as i,
i was the sad faced, weepy lady who really just 
wanted-needed to find a corner and wail. 
i was the lady with the camera in hand
but who could only take a few photos.
my heart would not let me take pics
of the ship, under the water. 
nope.  
not at all.
open up your heart to the loss here.
the reality of what really happened. 

yes, i know my broken heart for mom is a factor 
here, but maybe you don't know a few other things.
i am deeply appreciative of our country.
am nearly moved to tears each time i sing the national
anthem, and most of the other patriotic songs,
if i really dwell on the words.
we are a blessed nation, beyond what we can 
ever understand.

so...on last weeks Texas trip we made 
a stop that i requested.
we stopped in downtown Dallas.
hubby was happy to do so.
in fact he was so excited as we neared the spot
of infamy he couldn't contain his excitement.
he's read lots of books, 
watched lots of tv specials so i have a 
walking historian giving blow by blow details 
on angles, perspectives, etc.

we parked, 
walked the few blocks to the Dealy plaza.
my heart begins the heaviness journey.
again.
and the thankfulness journey.
again.

my word folks,
freedom comes with such a price, 
such a sacrifice.

of course hubby wanted photos.
i handed over the camera saying 
" my heart will not allow me to take a picture
of where the president was shot. i'm sorry
i cannot do it."
he understands, and 
takes what he wanted. 

 this is an area where many were standing, 
watching, excited,
having no clue as the the history they would witness.
or the intensity of the history.


then turn around and look at the street,

this sad lonely X marks the place the car was when 
President Kennedy was shot. 


and that photo i could not take either.
however, oddly enough i can share it with you.
i want you to feel this place. 
the reality of what happened here.
as we all know, our hearts have a mind
of their own...who can explain them.
we barely understand them.
but open yours up to the loss here.
and appreciate your freedoms.

on another note, 
kind of...
i LOVE fireworks.
the colors, the sparkles,
the surprise of what it will be.
at the age of 54 i still clap my hands
in wonder and appreciation of the
joy of them. i am way past
the traditional 'ahher' and 'ohhher'.
sometimes i'm just nearly 
speechless.
because once again the reason for those
fireworks is very apparent on my heart.

i get a day off, a picnic of plenty,
loving and fun community, friends, family
to celebrate with.... all because
a few people stood up for themselves,
their families, and me eventually,
and what they believed in.. passionately.
once again sacrifices were great, 
and commitments were strong.
and God was there.


last sunday in church we sang the national anthem.
we sang another verse too.

"o thus be it ever, 
when free men shall stand between their loved homes
and the wars desolation;
blest with vict'ry and peace,
may the heav'n-rescued land
praise the Pow'r that hath made
and preserved us a nation!
then conquer we must,
when our cause it is just;
and this be our motto:
"In God is our trust!"
and the starspangled banner in triump shall wave
o'er the land of the free
and the home of the brave. "