regardless of those cut worm moths inside,
i am enjoying the most b e a u t i f u l
display from the back yard.
these babies are so heavy they are
resting on the ground.
especially this morning because of the RAIN
we've been enjoying.
thanks God... 60 zillion times.
and you can't beat their fragrance.
the description said "rich fruity fragrance with a
refreshing sharpness."
hmmm... okay...i guess so.
i just know they are soul warming.
i never even thought i would be growing such
beauty.
i feel blessed to be the care taker of them.
i also feel like i want a few more.
isn't that how we often get?
we delight in something so much
we think we'll have even more delight in
acquiring an abundance of that 'delighted-thing'
yet... not necessarily so.
would i cherish each blossom?
would i be as enamored of them
if my yard was full of them?
perhaps not,
or maybe so.
however...
i think i shall just continue being grateful
for the gift of what i do have.
it is enough as long as i am thankful.
and I AM THANKFUL.
wanna see one more?
okay..
now really blessed
brown-eyed-handsome-man just wandered
around bare foot in the wet backyard showing appreciation
for the garden gifts from God with me.
my heart runneth over.
will attempt to link up with..
http://flwrjane-smallbutcharming.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/flowers-in-la-casa-primavera.html
this site has breathtaking flowers....
am often envious,
and then remember to be thankful for what i have.
seems i'm in good company re: my post
about the millers.
today 2 local newspapers had their say on the front pages
regarding this lovely time of miller-ing.
i know!
so what i learned is they are not "millers"
but cut worm moths.
and they will go away, eventually.
actually they vacation in the Colorado mountains!
not so dumb after all huh?
they go out there for the same reasons we do..
cooler air and to accumulate fat reserves.
: )
however for some mountain inhabitants the
cutworm moth is a snack.
seems grizzly bears fancy them.
" a single moth possesses half a calorie of
fat content. "
"it is estimated a bear obtains 20,000 calories
of fat on a daily basis by consuming 40,000
moths per day."
sooo ..
i need a grizzly.
it's a win win situation because
we have enough moths for at least a week.
anyone have a spare grizzly?
we have been invaded.
those stupid brown miller moths are trying to
take over our home.
this is one insect that should of missed
"the boat"
the ark boat that is.
regardless...
every evening my hubby wanders our home
fly swatter at the ready to attack those beasts.
he takes no prisoners.
death and destruction are his plan.
however he takes a more passive approach
when he turns on the ceiling fan
in his tv room.
then the deranged insects become suicidal.
they head for the light, but often get smacked
by a fan blade.
and he just sits and watches with glee.
no more miller.
woo hoo!
sick i know.
i am up early this morning.
i want to turn on lights,
i need to turn on lights.
but...
lights become the morning wake up call
for those vile insects.
so here i am, stalking in my own home.
fly swatter in one hand, napkin to get the carcasses
in the other.
smack,
" woo hoo"
swish,
missed.
stalk, stalk, climb on a chair,
swing.
"score!"
after a few more swings, swishes and swoops
i realize i've invented a new sport.
it reminds me of bad mitten.
you know, where you reach,
swing and toss a feather weight birdie
back to your partner.
well in my case,
i swing, swipe, exclaim,
and ta da!
another miller/birdie down!
i'm changing the name to
miller hitten'.
and i'm not bad actually.
bird and i had many things to do at the farm yesterday.
not on the list was losing glasses.
but she misplaced hers.
she back tracked all over the house.
no glasses.
they were still missing.
so i joined in the hunt.
no luck.
hmmmm... well...
we needed to get to town and decided
to look once we got back.
dad wanders in and wonders what we're looking for.
we tell him.
so he joins in the hunt!
eventually we say
" we'll look when we get back"
he said, " they'll still be missing when we get back."
he paused and went on
"i sometimes can't find my glasses....
but then i do."
us: " where?"
him: " right where i left them!"
oh he's a sassy one.
but the hunt continues.
pretty soon bird said
"there's a pair of glasses on the table
i don't know whose they are, but not mine."
the room is quiet, then dad responds
"maybe i have yours on."
he takes them off.... looks at them.
yes-sir-ree-bob!!!
pops was wearing birds glasses!!!
oh my we laughed and laughed
and giggled again all the way to town.
we booked the hawaiian trip today.
guess when we are going?
late May!!!
(just what that man wanted.)
but it's AFTER memorial day
so it's fine.
****
i would certainly appreciate prayers for
our 'baby' boy.
(he's nearly 32 yrs old and 6ft. 5!)
he's working off shore for a time on a big rig.
he's happy to be working and excited to go.
we have the same thoughts.
but i am a momma who is trusting God's protection.
and appreciative of your prayers.
thanks.
***
tuesday for fun we go see the headstone for mom.
and take care of some other death type business.
sheesh....
it keeps going on and on.
but
I know that my Redeemer lives.
AMEN!!!
5:30 a.m. is a bit early to begin negotiations.
but brown eyed handsome, sometimes frustrating, man
and i did just that.
this week is packed full.
fuller than i really like,
but regardless it only has to be lived one day at a time.
whew...
i must remember that.
back to chair negotiations....
we are taking a pickup load of furniture to our youngest
at the end of the week.
many things; bed, dresser, desk, nightstand, couch, table & chairs.
she has told me "NO WOBBLY CHAIRS".
the aforementioned man and i have our own ideas of wobbly
and which chairs will make the journey.
he: "our sons old chairs."
me: "no"
me: " our old dining room chairs"
he: "no"
he: " our oldest daughters chairs"
me: "too wobbly. won't work."
back and forth we go... getting nowhere fast.
my patience is running thin.
reasons are stated for all pros and cons.
sigh.
eventually i must have referred to our daughter
not wanting wobbly chairs...
because he exclaimed..
"oh SHE asked for not wobbly chairs? okay then."
AACCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!
you want to know which chairs are going?
the ones i knew needed to go...
not saying i know best or any such thing.
of course not.
; )
our old dining room chairs.
***
and then we had a very small discussion
about our proposed 35th anniversary trip to Hawaii.
he:" i said lets go at the end of May"
me: "i said i won't be gone over memorial day this year."
he: nods
me: "i picked this other time because of work obligations,
others family vacations, yatayata"
he: patiently nods.
(i've wanted to go for several years but life interrupted.
so he's finally said we can go this year.
yeah!
but here's his wife, seemingly dragging her tootsies
about making the arrangements. he's been very patient.)
see i can be sometimes frustrating too.
maybe this is how we've made it work for 35 years...
equal-opportunity-frustrating-each-other!!!
we sing Because He Lives,
so much truth in that.
i whisper to my aunt at songs end
" because He lives, we can make it through today."
we sang " Christ arose"
the words so fitting as i know mom
is rejoicing in heaven.
she has been for 12 weeks.
bird, her hubby-the-hunter, dad and
my nephew arrive for lunch.
they had gone to church elsewhere.
dad looks so handsome in his grape colored
dress shirt.
even though his pants are baggy to the point of
ridiculousness, he looks handsome.
his face is peaceful.
i am so thankful.
we're gonna do this.
we can make it through this first
holiday with out momma.
dinner is good.
hearts are okay.
kitchen cleaning happens.
(thanks always for your help bird.)
so far so good.
we are all outside enjoying the warm sunshine.
tossing balls to our dog patches.
we get weary of the game before she does, of course.
eventually the hunter hands her a stick.
now patches has never ever shown interest in stick fetching.
she's always looked at us like "really? a stick?"
but, she's given in and takes whatever bit of
attention she can get.
bird tosses it a few times.
patch returns it.
kind of
she finds a bigger one.
this stick is so long she looks like
a lopsided, one antlered deer!
she is prancing about, pleased as punch
with herself.
we are all laughing.
she is so funny with it.
even daddy has chuckles and a big grin.
oh man!!
that does my heart grand.
dad is having joy.
yeah!!
thanks God for joy in a dogs antics.
(mom liked dogs)
***
later, bird, hunter, and dad stop
at the cemetery on the way home.
dad gets emotional as they take him to his car.
bird gets emotional later.
i finally give in to the sobs that need released.
we don't really want to feel like this.
it just happens.
once again,
the cost of loving deeply.
the cost of being loved deeply.
love...
it does lead us to this
"holy holy holy.
is the Lord God Almighty.
who was and is and is to come.
with all creation i sing
praise to the king of kings.
You are my everything
and i will adore You."
it was 6 short days before momma died.
i was on a 5 hour journey headed back home
after a brief visit with our youngest.
my heart was in turmoil over mom.
that praise chorus came on the radio.
it hit me right in my heart
" mom will soon be singing this in heaven!"
WOW.
i couldn't not sing it.
with tears streaming down my face i
croaked the words out in praise.
but ... oh how my broken heart bled.
i talked to momma,
i talked to Jesus.
He rode along with me the rest of the way home.
later when i tried to remember which
'holy holy holy' song it was..
my mind was BLANK.
no song recall at all.
i googled a few chorus's.
i hunted in a few hymnals.
nope, nothing, nada.
***
earlier this month a small choir
from a bible college shared at our church.
words of heaven, love, joy, peace ministered to
my wounded heart.
and then... the ladies began to sing this song.
YES!!
this was it!
this was "my" holy holy holy song.
i quickly wrote down enough of the words
so i would remember it this time.
and i've been singing it since then.
with joy and thankfulness my heart
rejoiced in these words and knowledge
of the reassurance of heaven for all of us.
***
Easter sunrise service,
peace and beauty at the lake with other believers.
a good friend tenderly asks how i am.
"i'm fine. really. i just have joy and thankfulness in
my heart for the resurrection. i'm really okay."
she kept looking intently in my eyes.
four hours later we sat in worship service,
her family in the pew in front of me,
we begin singing the first hymn.
and it hits me.
wham, deep in my heart,
this is the first time in more years than i can
remember my folks are not in the pew with me on
Easter sunday.
i cannot sing.
tears racing down my face.
i want to grab my friends hand and whisper in her ear
"okay, it's hit me. i'm falling apart".
we have greeting time after the hymn.
she turns around, sees my face,
i tell her " i'm down."
a tender hug follows words of love.
i breath deep and move on.
there is a little boy, he's 8, he used to
attend our church, but they moved.
he was visiting his grandparents.
he and i had a grinning-at-each-other
relationship,
i always talked with him.
he always grinned shyly at me.
and yesterday he's standing in the aisle
looking at me shyly again.
i greet him with a back pat and inquiries
as to how old he is, "my aren't you tall".
and i know God has given me this little bit of grace.
i can love on this blond haired bit of orneriness
and think of mom and her gift of love to all,
especially children.
God knew i needed that.
then i find friends who i know will hound heaven
with immediate prayers for my still-weeping heart.
i am blessed with more hugs and affirming words.
back to my pew.
we return to worship...
and i feel a gentle nudge on my arm.
my aunt, mom's sister, has come to church!
it's almost like having momma beside me.
so there we sit.
our minds overwhelmed with memories
of Easters past, all together as a family in church.
two women with wounded hearts
and leaky eyes,
but determination to "do this".
our first holiday with out that vital
energetic and loving woman beside us.
bird and i were standing at mom's grave,
on the granite slab,
amidst the puddles of rain,
dirt, and grass.
grass that has begun to grow on the broken brown
soil.
tender little green shoots stretching their way to cover
the brokenness.
and in some ways i wanted to dance.
just do a little soft shoe shuffle on that granite slab.
and then finish off with a fast toe-tapping rhythm.
why?
because....
i have hope.
"my hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus blood and righteousness,
i dare not trust the sweetest frame
but wholly lean on Jesus name.
ON CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND
all other ground is sinking sand.
all other ground is sinking sand."
and the reward..
"when He shall come with trumpet sound
oh may i then in Him be found.
dressed in His righteousness alone,
faultless to stand before the throne.
ON CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND
all other ground is sinking sand.
all other ground is sinking sand. "
i have hope
yes, my heart misses my mom.
yes, most likely i will shed tears of loss this weekend.
i don't anticipate sunday being tear-free.
but
i have hope.
i know for certain
because of that cross
because of that broken body
BECAUSE OF THAT RESURRECTION
i will see mom again.
my heart is slowly growing new sprouts of peace,
just like the grass that covers the grave where we
put mom's shell.
she is not there.
she is rejoicing in heaven with Jesus and many others.
that gives me reason to dance.
i can visualize bird, me, others, dancing in joy.
and mom wouldn't mind one bit if we were dancing
on her grave.
honest.
bird and i met up yesterday for some farm business.
then some dad business.
his cardiologist said "you're doing great for 62!"
he's only off by .... 21 years.
so he's doing great.
we dined.
dined?
can you call it dining when it's at the local mom and pop?
aren't you just eatin'?
next stop.. a trip to the farm.
it was a slippery, slidey, ooey gooey trip.
we have been blessed with rain.
i know...wow right?
pops said he had gotten an inch!
but it kept raining.
so, even though we planned to bake cookies,
do some cleaning, etc.
we didn't.
knowing the roads were only getting worse
and my little pony-car has no weight,
lingering didn't happen on the farm.
we did the necessities, bills, mail,
kitchen cleaned and a pot roast in oven.
however, we did take a few minutes to gaze
out the windows at the glorious scenes.
GREEN, GREEN, GREEN.
yeah GOD!!!
out the front window where mom always
has spring bloomers we noticed the flowers
were missing.
dad assured us before the rain and wind,
he had tulips.
lots
in fact...there were 27.
that makes me smile.
he counted them.
***
we cut some of moms lilacs and headed back to town
with a planned stop at the cemetery.
it was drizzly, so we stayed out of our cars only long
enough to stuff the lilac branches in the ground,
and chat a bit.
all the while standing on the granite slab, that is the base
for their headstone.
then bird wondered where a cousins grave was.
so we hopped in her car and perused the cemetery.
found the cousin and other relatives
plus lots of people from our childhood years.
we spent nearly an hour just driving around there.
yes i know.
may seem odd to you.
but ...well..
it wasn't to us.
when she dropped me back at my car we giggled
about our 'drive.'
bird said " i guess as you get older your idea of fun changes."
regardless....
it was nice to be together.
it was also nice because mom's sister had put some
purple tulips in the ground on moms grave.
made bird and i feel good.
it was cheerful to see these reminders of
our mom...the proverbial flower lady.
i imagine those 27 tulips did the same thing for pops.
a sweet reminder of the fun-loving-flower-girl he married.
sometimes i just get weary of grief bursts.
i just get weary of missing mom.
the fact that tears can be just 'right there'
often, is exhausting.
after writing the post about mom and the jayhawks,
i had a grief burst.
didn't really want to. didn't want to have to
sit here at the computer and cry.
but..it happens.
i know i've just got to go with it.
i hadn't planned that post to end like that.
it just happened.
i was having a good memory of mom.
was remembering her at the table,
big beaming smile on her face.
or remembering times watching games as she sat
in her chair, "come on KU".
or Kstate, whoever was playing.
memories...can do that to ya.
make you happy, thankful,
or break your heart.
sigh.
yet i recognize and appreciate how blessed i am
to have been the daughter of my mom.
yes, you read that right.
those boys do play for my state.
even though i am not a big sports fan,
i do appreciate a win.
maybe not such a close one,
sheesh...
but it's a win.
i have some family members who are
VERY PASSIONATE about their team.
my heart always feels for them when
the games are close.
and when aren't they lately?
anyway, bird, who's been reading mom's journals
from the 1980's shared a little tidbit from them.
"KU won championship game last night" .
it was written April 4, 1988.
she enjoyed a good game too, but was not a fanatic.
this brought back some memories for me.
i can remember mom saying,
"rock chalk jayhawk.
we are miiighty proud
of our Kaaansas crowd."
for whatever reason it seems to have been said
mainly around a table dining w/family.
and that probably comes from a very
misty memory i have of visiting California
cousins.
we were sitting around a table
and moms younger brother made a toast
saying those very words.
so naturally i think of my uncle too.
"Diamond Chuck", mom once called him.
and he is quite a story in itself.
regardless...
rock chalk jayhawk momma!
your kansas crowd misses you
and Diamond Chuck.
bet you two had fun last night huh?
