Revelation Song and memories, part 1

it was 6 short days before momma died.
i was on a 5 hour journey headed back home 
after a brief visit with our youngest.
my heart was in turmoil over mom.

that praise chorus came on the radio.
it hit me right in my heart 
" mom will soon be singing this in heaven!"
WOW.
i couldn't not sing it.
with tears streaming down my face i 
croaked the words out in praise.
but ... oh how my broken heart bled.
i talked to momma,
i talked to Jesus.
He rode along with me the rest of the way home.

later when i tried to remember which
'holy holy holy' song it was..
my mind was BLANK.
no song recall at all.
i googled a few chorus's.
i hunted in a few hymnals.
nope, nothing, nada.
***
earlier this month a small choir
from a bible college shared at our church.
words of heaven, love, joy, peace ministered to 
my wounded heart.
and then... the ladies began to sing this song.
YES!! 
this was it! 
this was "my" holy holy holy song.
i quickly wrote down enough of the words
so i would remember it this time.
and i've been singing it since then.
with joy and thankfulness my heart 
rejoiced in these words and knowledge
of the reassurance of heaven for all of us. 
***
Easter sunrise service,
peace and beauty at the lake with other believers.
a good friend tenderly asks how i am.
"i'm fine. really. i just have joy and thankfulness in
my heart for the resurrection. i'm really okay."
she kept looking intently in my eyes. 

four hours later we sat in worship service,
her family in the pew in front of me,
we begin singing the first hymn.
and it hits me.
wham, deep in my heart, 
this is the first time in more years than i can
remember my folks are not in the pew with me on 
Easter sunday. 
i cannot sing.
tears racing down my face.
i want to grab my friends hand and whisper in her ear
"okay, it's hit me. i'm falling apart".
we have greeting time after the hymn. 
she turns around, sees my face,
i tell her " i'm down."
a tender hug follows words of love.
i breath deep and move on.

there is a little boy, he's 8, he used to 
attend our church, but they moved.
he was visiting his grandparents.
he and i had a grinning-at-each-other
relationship,
i always talked with him.
he always grinned shyly at me.

and yesterday he's standing in the aisle
looking at me shyly again.
i greet him with a back pat and inquiries
as to how old he is, "my aren't you tall".
and i know God has given me this little bit of grace.
i can love on this blond haired bit of orneriness
and think of mom and her gift of love to all,
especially children.
God knew i needed that.
then i find friends who i know will hound heaven
with immediate prayers for my still-weeping heart.
i am blessed with more hugs and affirming words.

back to my pew.
we return to worship...
and i feel a gentle nudge on my arm.
my aunt, mom's sister, has come to church!
it's almost like having momma beside me. 
so there we sit.
our minds overwhelmed with memories
of Easters past, all together as a family in church.
two women with wounded hearts
and leaky eyes,
but determination to "do this".
our first holiday with out that vital 
energetic and loving woman beside us.