"be kind to your web-footed friends"

those are words from a silly little song 
my dad used to sing.
it didn't have lots of words,
or he didn't know them anyway.
"be kind to your web-footed friends.
for your friend may be some body's mother." 

i'm reminded of that because of those words
be kind.
tomorrow is my parents wedding anniversary.
they would be celebrating 62 years of commitment
to each other, in sickness and in health, 
and death did part them. 
bleh!

sister-bird and i didn't want to make a fuss
over the day, and weren't sure how to recognize it.
since dad has some dementia i was taking the
easy way and decided not to mention it,
thinking he might forget?
 
stupid.
on my part.

i'm happy to say he did remember!
last tuesday while doing our weekly cleaning,
and time with him we were just hanging out
together.
chatting about different family members and who 
was where, and why.

pretty soon he said " i have a something coming up."
( he didn't forget! i gotta recognize this date) 

i waited a bit to see if he would say more.
he didn't.
"yes, you do pops."
waiting...
he's quiet.
me: "your anniversary is soon."
dad: "yes.... the 17th? "
me:"no"
dad: "oh yeah...the 20th."
me: " yup. how long do you know?"
he shook his head no.
me: " well you got married in 1950, 
and this is 2012." 
and i paused thinking he might pop
out with the answer because he was always doing math 
in his head and telling me ways to do it easier.
but he didn't.
me: " the way i figure it out, that makes it 62 years."
he nods in agreement...
sits quietly for a bit.
then in an emotion packed voice said
"i sure do miss her around here."
he very rarely says things like this.
 wham! 
with both our eyes filling with tears 
i answered.
"me too dad."
okay..let's breath, pause, regroup the heart.
me:" i don't think there's a person
who knew mom who isn't missing her."

and then i mentioned how sometimes
when i sing, especially in church, i can 
hear mom's voice. (we sound very similar)
usually i'm happy to 'hear' her.
sometimes it just makes me weep. 
last sunday was that kind of day.
"Lord lift me up and let me stand.
By faith on heaven's table land.
a higher plane that i have found.
Lord plant my feet on higher ground."
and i thought,
well mom, you certainly are on higher ground
now. and i know you're loving it!
***
friday evening we hosted dad, bird, her hunter hubby,
and my aunt for dinner.
just to get daddy out of the house since
it was extraordinarily quiet on the farm.
he got 'gussied-up'. was wearing church pants,
shirt and shoes. even smelled good.
was cute. 
we did have cake b/c of my brother in law's 
birthday next week. 
so it was a bit of a celebration.
also our youngest daughter was home for a bit.
she really got her grandpa livened up.
his eyes were twinkly, 
he cracked a few funnies,
and gave her a sweet hug and told her he liked her hair.
***
so here's another lesson/reminder in the grief journey.
"be kind to your web-footed friend."
especially if that 'friend' is your lonely
broken-hearted dad. 
and even if it's not your dad.
when someone you loves dies,
there is always the concern that
they will no longer be remembered.
talk about them, 
remember events, even when 
you think it will hurt.
let me tell you,
it's gonna hurt worse if you
don't remember/recognize them.

i knew this.
goodness i've preached it for years.
just gotta practice it more.
we all do.
*************
wanna hear another ditty dad used to sing?
"hair on a ducks back.
quack quack"
 
 ;-)