Letting go, or not

what a week its been.
hurricane harvey stirring up trouble
along with concerns for our son
and his lady. 
he was working off shore, she was manning 
their home. 
thankful to report minimal leaking
of their roof is all they had.
still there was a bit of concern from this momma.

that was the start of several days of many concerns
and tender heart moments.
within 9 days I not only had harvey 
to contend with emotionally, 
but several other things. 
a sweet aunt slipped into heaven.
then a cousin also did 9 days later.
goodbyes are rarely easy.
 
add all that to the big weekend.

hubby had decided to hike a big mountain
in honor of his 60th year. 
he chose Labor Day weekend to do so.
our kids wanted to come
so we rented a big cabin.
they bought airline tickets
and the anticipation began.

except...harvey...
challenges were strong getting our son
off the rig. 
delays more than once thwarted plans.
i kept saying "God knows best" 
and kept praying for safety 
and wisdom.

endless plans, 
innumerable flights changed
and a few anxious moments,
but they did arrive, only a day late.
thanks be to God.

sunday was hiking day for three brave souls.
water, snacks, sunscreen, etc packed
and off they went at 7:30 am.
hubby was certain they would be back by 1.
i was thinking more like 3 or 4.

i got to spend the day with our
grandson, youngest daughter, 
very weary son and his lady.
we enjoyed a relaxing day.
we received updates on the hikers
and knew all was going well.
 
however it was taking longer than we/they thought.
much longer.
that's fine, still time to get down before dark.
uh huh   ............
well dark was quickly coming and i began to get
anxious.
its 7 pm. way past 1, 3 and 4.
what if they got stuck on the trail?
no blankets only jackets
but bears and other wildlife.
do I call someone or what and when? 
i was anxious. 
i was tired.
i finally said a bit forcefully to our 3 kids that didn't hike.
" i'm getting weary of praying all you guys safe 
and where you are supposed to be. 
if you would just be 
where you are supposed to be when you are supposed to be,
it would be easier on me. "
(notice the me factor.)
like they can control the weather

i pulled the grandsons pull toy
train around and around the couch
following him like he requested.
(it was his parents hiking with granddad
so he was getting anxious too.)
settle down grammie, you know better.

praise the Lord 30 minutes later the hikers arrived
safe and sound at 7:30 pm.

sure was good to give hubby a big hug. 
i hung on extra long even.
my emotions had been spent. 
too many ups and downs for nine days.

regardless of my anxiety God has remained
faithful.
why I struggled with that one last bit
of letting go? 
too many roller coaster situations and emotions
is my guess.

good thing God wasn't worried.