If only

Yesterday I was watering my hyacinths
And thought I heard noise in the house.
I briefly wondered what it was
But kept watering.
Then a quiet little thought slipped into my mind
" oh it's probably Dan who will tell me Mom is on the phone"
???
Wouldn't that be GRAND.
It's been too long since I talked to her.

A few weeks ago in church a sweet Godly woman
Reminded me of my momma.
And not for the first time either.
But it was the encouraging way she nodded at her grand daughter
That caught my heart this time.
I had seen my momma doing the same thing.

Grief.
You never know when or what or even how long it will
Slip in for a reminder of what I loved.
What I still love but can't express it directly anymore.

Sigh
Maybe it's the time of year that's sparked this
Spring, flowers,
Resurrection.
Might be because a family I know
Is spending many hospital hours with their mom.
I remember those.

Regardless I am
Letting the tears fall.
Missing my sweet, funny, encouraging momma
And reminding myself to lean on Jesus for comfort,
Peace, wisdom as I wade through this grief burst,
Hoping it doesn't settle in for a stay.

Which is why I'm writing.
In hope that expressing my heart it will
Settle down and move on once again
In to the joy of life.