"How are your parents?"

Just one simple question asked of me on Sunday.
Asked by a friend who knows personally the joys and trials of 
elder parent care. 
I looked at her compassionate face
and my emotions went haywire!

As puddles formed in my eyes
with a few escaping I responded
" not good really."
a bit of a pause
"I think I'm going to cry."

We were sitting in our Sunday school class, 
with about a dozen other people.

I shared a bit of the latest adventures I've had with them.
The class listened with love. 
My friend gave words of encouragement.

My mind struggled staying with the lesson 
as I thought on those words.

I really needed to cry. I almost left the room.

No, 
breath deep, 
swallow, 
and casually wipe the stray tears escaping.

Before church service I thanked my friend 
for her encouragement. 
Also shared how I gleaned some wisdom from her words
regarding someone who was attempting to demand
some of my time.
Time I had already said I didn't have to give.
I realized I needed to stand strong. 
Not take on one more project.


My emotional toll is high these days.
sometimes it takes more physical energy to do the 
necessary things. 
I need to protect myself.


I also didn't stay for the worship service.
I went home .
I cried.


It felt good. It released lots of tension.
I wept for the changes I see happening with my parents, 
for the changes we have no control over.
For the loss of "how it used to be"
and how it is now.
For the changes we do have control over,
but tough decisions that are in our near future.


And then I looked across the room and saw a sweet picture.
My aunt who moved to heaven in July.
We recently got some pics of her,
so I put them out to celebrate her life.
However, celebrating was not what I was feeling.
Sorrow. 
I miss her.
I miss the future times I could have had with her.

After about 10 minutes of theraputic tears
I was MUCH better. 

 WEDNESDAY:
I've been with my folks for the past 24 hours.
Mom had appointments and needed a driver.
However, she was extremely weary 
so after the 30 mile drive to those appointments,
I suggested we only do one.


Turns out she couldn't get chemo today due to 
low white cell count.
So we went to the other one.
And we talked long and seriously, 
going and coming.

I asked her
" mom, do you ever cry?"
"Not a lot. I could cry more."

I shared my Sunday experience with her 
and encouraged her to let those emotions go.
We need to allow ourselves to feel them
even when they hurt.

I did see what looked like her wiping her eye a bit later.
But maybe it was the allergies.
or the sunshine in her eyes.


After a long day of supporting my parents,
physically by driving, cooking, shopping, cleaning,
hauling laundry.
And emotionally by listening, sharing, and just chatting about...
not much...actually


I was weary on my hour long drive home tonight.
Had a bit of " I don't know how I can do and be
all I need to be for our kids, my folks, 
community, job, etc. "


I heard a song begin to quietly play in my mind.
It's an old song with some of these words...
"is your burden heavy as you bear it all alone.
does the road you travel harbor dangers yet unknown.
are you growing weary,
in the struggle of it all."

YES, hitting the nail on the head!

" Jesus will help you 
when on his name you call"


I knew that. 
Why once again do I think I'm doing this all 
by myself.


Okay God. go for it.

And I sang that song.
Then another and another
as they popped in to my head.


And I felt better.


Life is not always an easy road.
My mom's cancer will still be there.
Dad's Parkinsons and mild dementia will still be there. 
They will still need the "assisted living" my 
sister and I give them.
But it would be a whole lot worse if 
it weren't for the load bearer.
My shoulders get weary,
so glad God, yours do not.