oh the heart...what things it makes me feel.

in the past weeks brown-eyed-handsome-man 
and i have ventured lots of places.
he's a history buff so as we venture we get to
check out historical stuff.
some of it is more interesting to me than others.

but, along with him, i wanted to see Pearl Harbor 
when in Oahu.

i find it hard to describe how it made me feel.
the grounds/park/whatever you get to tour before
taking the ferry to the memorial is very informative.


we witnessed, accidentally, the retiring of a naval officer.
the pagentry and emotion displayed brought tears to my eyes.
you could feel the love for the retiree and the pride 
from her family. 
from her elderly relatives who slowly participated to
the energetic kids. 
i loved the family connectedness.

as we rode the ferry to the Arizona memorial
i was fine.

but once i got on the actual spot...
not so fine.
it was all i could do to look over the edge, hunting for the
ship. and it's easy to see.
but my heart.
oh that fickle, tender organ.
my heart broke for all those still buried there.
for the fear, pain, anxiety they might have experienced.
and then for those who loved them deeply.
and mourn them deeply.
i also thought of the sacrifice that was made,
and is made by armed service people everywhere.
and it's made for me.
you...
our families.
so if you were on that memorial the same day as i,
i was the sad faced, weepy lady who really just 
wanted-needed to find a corner and wail. 
i was the lady with the camera in hand
but who could only take a few photos.
my heart would not let me take pics
of the ship, under the water. 
nope.  
not at all.
open up your heart to the loss here.
the reality of what really happened. 

yes, i know my broken heart for mom is a factor 
here, but maybe you don't know a few other things.
i am deeply appreciative of our country.
am nearly moved to tears each time i sing the national
anthem, and most of the other patriotic songs,
if i really dwell on the words.
we are a blessed nation, beyond what we can 
ever understand.

so...on last weeks Texas trip we made 
a stop that i requested.
we stopped in downtown Dallas.
hubby was happy to do so.
in fact he was so excited as we neared the spot
of infamy he couldn't contain his excitement.
he's read lots of books, 
watched lots of tv specials so i have a 
walking historian giving blow by blow details 
on angles, perspectives, etc.

we parked, 
walked the few blocks to the Dealy plaza.
my heart begins the heaviness journey.
again.
and the thankfulness journey.
again.

my word folks,
freedom comes with such a price, 
such a sacrifice.

of course hubby wanted photos.
i handed over the camera saying 
" my heart will not allow me to take a picture
of where the president was shot. i'm sorry
i cannot do it."
he understands, and 
takes what he wanted. 

 this is an area where many were standing, 
watching, excited,
having no clue as the the history they would witness.
or the intensity of the history.


then turn around and look at the street,

this sad lonely X marks the place the car was when 
President Kennedy was shot. 


and that photo i could not take either.
however, oddly enough i can share it with you.
i want you to feel this place. 
the reality of what happened here.
as we all know, our hearts have a mind
of their own...who can explain them.
we barely understand them.
but open yours up to the loss here.
and appreciate your freedoms.

on another note, 
kind of...
i LOVE fireworks.
the colors, the sparkles,
the surprise of what it will be.
at the age of 54 i still clap my hands
in wonder and appreciation of the
joy of them. i am way past
the traditional 'ahher' and 'ohhher'.
sometimes i'm just nearly 
speechless.
because once again the reason for those
fireworks is very apparent on my heart.

i get a day off, a picnic of plenty,
loving and fun community, friends, family
to celebrate with.... all because
a few people stood up for themselves,
their families, and me eventually,
and what they believed in.. passionately.
once again sacrifices were great, 
and commitments were strong.
and God was there.


last sunday in church we sang the national anthem.
we sang another verse too.

"o thus be it ever, 
when free men shall stand between their loved homes
and the wars desolation;
blest with vict'ry and peace,
may the heav'n-rescued land
praise the Pow'r that hath made
and preserved us a nation!
then conquer we must,
when our cause it is just;
and this be our motto:
"In God is our trust!"
and the starspangled banner in triump shall wave
o'er the land of the free
and the home of the brave. "