some cute pics

     these are my handsome dad

and my pretty momma

On the back of the pic of dad and the car,

mom has written

" my darling Everett and the 'studie'.

Easter 1949

 

friday at the farm

daughter/bride and i arrived w/coffee for the nephew around 10:30. 
things were buzzing. 
phone ringing,
great grands ( kids) visiting,
and still a list of to-dos.

bride helped momma get dressed,
after she took 2 phone calls.

i think its grand when people call
to say " I love you."
I'm one of those people who prefer to show my love
before the loved is gone.
i.e. why I've given momma lots of flowers the past 4 years. 
she can enjoy them know.

side-tracked,,sorry..but it happens a lot.
lunch and laughter,
then friends from loong ago stopped by.
they brought goodies..
daddy was happy. 


seems no time for naps anymore..
but mom was content.


she is getting a bit more tired each day,
i can see it. 
seemed more out of breath as she transitioned from
chair to chair.
 but still enjoying family around.

i told my folks at one point today when the house was busy w/bodies
" this evening it will just be the two of you."
she looked at bit surprised, maybe unsure.
then commented.." it might be lonely, but we'll be ok."


they need this couple-time.


wandered through some old photos, 
the folks's early years, 
such dashing people they were.


daddy talked about his good lookin' car,
a convertible studebaker,
but also mentioned he had a good lookin girl friend too.


: ) 



later as my sister and i prepare to leave,
dad wants things written down and placed where he can 
remember to look for them.
our phone numbers,
the schedule for pills, etc.

(it reminded me of giving a babysitter instructions.)

we make sure they have something for supper.
i tell my brother he needs to make sure they have meals on saturday.


dad gets a bit anxious face.
i think it was just hoping to remember what's what.
he said " I'll call u if I don't know what to do" 


we assured them it will all be fine.


tomorrow another granddaughter, also medically trained,
will be on the farm.
i know the folks are excited to get to see her, and she them.


we will stay away for a day or two.
everyone needs their chance 
and one day, it will be just 
mom, dad, me and sister bird again,


i am ready for a few days at home.


banged my elbow last nite and it 
reverberated up to the shoulder.
back to feeling a bit of concrete shoulder
and acheys.


my personal assistant, bride/daughter
keeps me on the straight and narrow
by refusing to let me do things,
and keeping me iced.


she misses her hubby, RMG,  but
has decided to extend her stay another week.
'what if this is the last week grandma will be normal?"
only bride can make those choices for herself..
and it's hard both ways.


good night.

i fell apart in target

my daughter, the bride, and i were shopping 
when the oncologist called with the confirmation.

the cancer lesions have grown in the brain
and in mom's spine.

hospice is recommended.

this is what we 'knew'
expected.

kind of.

the oncologist had been so determined to say 
'we don't know if it's cancer....u can't call it cancer
until u know for sure.'

so i held out for the stroke.

woke up thursday saying to myself
'it can still be cancer.'

i was managing the emotions,
deep breaths,
change my brain thoughts.


a few tears would escape, no biggie.


we stopped to listen to the cds for sale.
u know push the button to hear a selection.


they were nice..
but i was annoyed.
she had to introduce the cd as if 
i couldn't read it already.


hmmm....patience wasn't strong.
i kept avoiding the sentimental ones,
would switch real quickly.

then bride pushed the button on another.
lady repeated herself
music cued up
" I'll be home for christmas"


it hit me. 
momma will most likely be in her eternal home for christmas.


nope...
this won't work. 
i step away
tears race down my face,
pain rips my heart.


i say
" i can't do this."
bride attempts to steer me to the door
to the car.
i go,
request my sunglasses,
at least it would be a mild diversion from my pain
maybe.


we head to the door
i get composed
so i can stand helplessly by the checkout counter
while bride and lady do the work.

i even make a few conversational mumblings.






we do leave and recognize the need for sustenance
wanting beef, i say arbys.
then remember dad and i ate at arbys every week for a year
while momma sat in the  recliner and got her chemo.
sometimes she wanted a sandwich too.


couldnt do arbys.
ended up choosing sonic.
funny thing w/that.
for the past year, 
after chemo
me, momma, dad, and sister bird
would go eat at sonic.
i could do one place but not the other.


however, we detoured to a store.
1/2 off sale and the desire for something pink


support breast cancer awareness.
the nasty disease that is taking my beloved,
fun, positive, treasured momma to heaven.


she loves her kids, grands to look nice.
loved to take us shopping
get us looking spiffy.


so we bought some spiffy
winter things.
momma will love them
she will say,
'oh jan...that looks sooo nice on you.' or
' that color looks great w/ur hair.'

i was shopping for my mom.
for me


more than likely i will need one of those
soon to wear when we formally
celebrate her life.
i know it will bring me comfort 
knowing momma liked it on me


tomorrow me and bride go back to the farm
gotta see the folks.
and a nephew who drove down for a day.
momma wants me to bring my pretty new
things for a fashion show.


i am.


hope i don't fall apart in the living room.

isn't she adorable at 2?

 

don't know what to believe

past 5 days a blur of care for my folks

mom has either had a stroke, or cancer has spread to her brain.
the doctors seem to have given conflicting info....

she had an mri today, maybe by friday we'll know something
I have been at their farm since sunday, no internet
but no time for it anyway.


i've made phone calls to hospice,
nursing home,
docs,

rocky recovery road...so far

surgery went great. 
nasty little bone spur was the culprit 
that tore the rotator cuff.

sweet friend took us in her luxury heated seat car.
hubby had been sick w/stomach flu saturday nite.
we welcomed a driver and i welcomed having 
the female factor along.

hubby is good, women nurture better however.

tuesday morning i had let the pain win.
not good. horrid. 
i just sat on the motel bed, weeping and waiting for the meds 
to kick in. all i could say was 'holy. holy.'
pretty sure God understood.
and i have a better realization of what the crucifiction felt like.
don't recommend it. 

had been itchy, 
thought it might be the scrubbing stuff.
then was getting harder to swallow those drugs.
this a.m. decided it was allergic reaction to those drugs.
went to local doc. got steroid shot. 
breathing much better,
throat not swollen,
nasal passages clear,
itchy gone.

yup, i'm allergic to pain meds.

adds new dimension to recovery.

and then my sweet little momma
the cancer and her body are being naughty to her
blood count numbers so low, requiring daily shots. 
daily drive to cancer center. 35 miles one way.

dad drove them last week to chemo.
mom said they drove all over the road.
so, they definitely need a driver.
i'm out of commission,
but thank God for my siblings.

also mom is having tia's. 
those little mini strokes. 

most days if you ask me how my mom is
 this is what i think.
" my mom has cancer. 
my mom is dying."

I may or may not tell you that, 
but its what i think.
she does too. 

good news, she didn't loose as much weight this week.
yeah. 
good news,
i get to take a shower this evening. woo hoo


i call it my
"shower w/a friend." since I cannot do it by myself.


youngest daughter asked 
"who's your friend"
I replied
"your father"
"ewwww" 


that's funny.

winter's here

well, it came today.
Probably gone tomorrow.
back to Fall.
yeah.

Was a nice drive over the hills to my folks farm.
Gray sky, pastures and plants no longer struggling 
to live, they are resting. 
Colors of leaves intensified by the cloudy sky.

Toasty warm home, fragrant flavors of chicken and noodles,
pot roast, ham and bean smells floating about in the kitchen.  
I headed home knowing my folks were content for a bit anyway.

Next week I become a one armed lady. 
My torn rotator cuff is getting repaired on Monday,
which means 6 weeks without a functioning right arm.
Gonna be tricky in lots of ways.
the end result is my focus here.

'coon huntin'

Early in October there was an adventure I've not shared.

I was at my framily friends parents farm. 

The daughters were inside taking care of business.

I was wandering around outside enjoying the gorgeous weather

and chatting w/the Bride on the phone.

In the side yard I catch a glimpse of gray fur.

"oh a kitty".

not quite.

Knowing its not a good sign for this nocturnal critter to be wobbling around in the day, I alerted my friends. 

It was clear he was injured or sick, so he must be 'taken care of'.

 Annie Oakley M. agrees to do it.

 Her sisters surround her, all in contemplation.

 ending up on the front porch aim is taken.

 due to a broken foot, Annie O. had to kneel to get steady.

the sisters discussing the hunt

No coon skin hats were made however.