just talked to dad because I wanted to see how he is.
"I just got out of the shower...
I just shot the skunk and your brother said I smell."
"well then you must be feeling better !"
he was headed to my brothers to see some great
grands and have supper. And yes he was feeling better.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
i bet you didn't know...
that my momma was one of 6 kids.
6 very creative and ornery kids.
growing up in the 1930's they invented things.
such as...
one brother invented perfume sold in a bottle.
it was really just a cotton ball soaked in ???
but he convinced their friends it was needed.
(as an adult he did produce his own hair products line
and was very successful.)
they had assorted money making adventures;
the troop train made a very brief stop in their home town,
so they hauled a wagon full of cold sodas and candy bars
to sell to the soldiers. eventually those fellas asked
"hey do you have an older sister?"
sure they did.
so.....next time they took her picture with them
to show. and....
they sold her address!!!
she did get letters from strangers.
their family lived in rentals and moved often.
i think they must have been a bit like"spanky and our gang".
mom once said, " when we moved in to a new area,
the neighbors would shudder and say 'oh no..it's the Hantz kids'! "
there are tales of renters in the basement and going in their rooms
to dust and clean.
or my uncles using a white sheet and talcum powder to
scare naive little kids into believing the 'ghost of whom-ever'
lived in there.
one house had them living across from the town pool.
like most kids they were there all day.
one time momma and her older brother-the-inventor
during the off season convinced their younger brother he could fly.
all he needed to do was tie a bath towel around his neck,
jump off the diving board and he would be soaring like superman.
well..... they cried the whole time dragging his little
body home convinced they had killed him,
and boy-howdy were they gonna be in trouble!
momma's mom was the lady who would fill her car
full of all the neighborhood kids and take them
out to the sand dunes with a picnic lunch.
or down to the cimarron river bridge for hiking-
walking on the cat walk,
or over to meade lake for the afternoon.
entertainment abounded with some creativity.
during high school momma worked in the local drug store,
was also a drum majorette and could twirl a mean baton.
yes, i know where that baton is.
she climbed water towers, trees, had a newspaper route.
they scavenged in trash bins and sold the glass bottles to
a local store man, named john mead i think, so they could buy candy
from him. hence one of the nicknames they had 'john meads kids.'
she was a fun kid and later a fun adult.
certainly made for a great childhood to be raised by
a creative fun lady.
we climbed trees, tv towers, mountains, sat on the roof,
waded in nearly every stream in the rocky mountains.
we had an old army jeep on the farm.
sometimes we would just go for rides in bumpy pastures,
or sand dunes. when we had a dune buggy we were out
driving around once, mom and us kids, came across a
irrigation sprinkler that was showering on the road.
it was a hot day so we drove slow to get sprinkled.
we laughed so much, momma took us through it
several more times.
we worked hard, we played hard.
she shared her love of life and
we were blessed beyond measure.
for two weeks now she's filled heaven
with that fun-loving creative spirit.
whew...i don't wish her back...
except i do.
6 very creative and ornery kids.
growing up in the 1930's they invented things.
such as...
one brother invented perfume sold in a bottle.
it was really just a cotton ball soaked in ???
but he convinced their friends it was needed.
(as an adult he did produce his own hair products line
and was very successful.)
they had assorted money making adventures;
the troop train made a very brief stop in their home town,
so they hauled a wagon full of cold sodas and candy bars
to sell to the soldiers. eventually those fellas asked
"hey do you have an older sister?"
sure they did.
so.....next time they took her picture with them
to show. and....
they sold her address!!!
she did get letters from strangers.
their family lived in rentals and moved often.
i think they must have been a bit like"spanky and our gang".
mom once said, " when we moved in to a new area,
the neighbors would shudder and say 'oh no..it's the Hantz kids'! "
there are tales of renters in the basement and going in their rooms
to dust and clean.
or my uncles using a white sheet and talcum powder to
scare naive little kids into believing the 'ghost of whom-ever'
lived in there.
one house had them living across from the town pool.
like most kids they were there all day.
one time momma and her older brother-the-inventor
during the off season convinced their younger brother he could fly.
all he needed to do was tie a bath towel around his neck,
jump off the diving board and he would be soaring like superman.
well..... they cried the whole time dragging his little
body home convinced they had killed him,
and boy-howdy were they gonna be in trouble!
momma's mom was the lady who would fill her car
full of all the neighborhood kids and take them
out to the sand dunes with a picnic lunch.
or down to the cimarron river bridge for hiking-
walking on the cat walk,
or over to meade lake for the afternoon.
entertainment abounded with some creativity.
during high school momma worked in the local drug store,
was also a drum majorette and could twirl a mean baton.
yes, i know where that baton is.
she climbed water towers, trees, had a newspaper route.
they scavenged in trash bins and sold the glass bottles to
a local store man, named john mead i think, so they could buy candy
from him. hence one of the nicknames they had 'john meads kids.'
she was a fun kid and later a fun adult.
certainly made for a great childhood to be raised by
a creative fun lady.
we climbed trees, tv towers, mountains, sat on the roof,
waded in nearly every stream in the rocky mountains.
we had an old army jeep on the farm.
sometimes we would just go for rides in bumpy pastures,
or sand dunes. when we had a dune buggy we were out
driving around once, mom and us kids, came across a
irrigation sprinkler that was showering on the road.
it was a hot day so we drove slow to get sprinkled.
we laughed so much, momma took us through it
several more times.
we worked hard, we played hard.
she shared her love of life and
we were blessed beyond measure.
for two weeks now she's filled heaven
with that fun-loving creative spirit.
whew...i don't wish her back...
except i do.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
"okay mom, i just don't want this"
i was sitting at my desk,
there off to the side is the celebration service folder
that has a beautiful smiling picture of momma
on it. bleh.
although it's a gorgeous picture.
i didn't want to see it right that minute
and i told her that.
then i turned the stack upside-down.
i was not feeling smiley.
other times it gives me joy and comfort to see it.
dad has several sitting about his house.
ahhh.... the journey of grief.
bleh.
sister-bird and i spent the night on the farm with dad,
cooked and ate meals with him.
wrote a zillion thank-yous while
dad wandered about the rooms or napped.
we even found a few things to giggle over.
the three of us sat at the bar for meals
just like the 5 of us used to do.
dad said " I wonder what mom's having
for breakfast."
we decided it was grapefruit.
there is a new 'pet' on the farm.
we're calling him Peppy 'le Pew.
he wanders out in the morning and
evening for the cat food dad puts out,
ironically, for the cats...not Peppy.
he did make an appearance last wednesday
evening when lots of family was visiting us.
sigh
someday his life will be shortened.
soon hopefully.
sister-bird and i folded up a huge heavy
king-sized gorgeous quilted bedspread.
it took both of us to do it, then
she waddled down the hall to put it away.
(remember she's small in stature and it's heavy)
dad watched her go, grinned,
then mumbled "i don't know about u two."
last week when we both were literally
loosing items in the shuffle of plans and
such, dad said to me " your sister can't find
her glasses, you can't find your paper..."
i giggled and asked "i know pops, what
are you gonna do with us?"
" keep you."
ah sweetness.
later as we loaded up our jammies and such
our hearts break to leave him.
these are HARD HARD days for all of, but
certainly for dad.
with a quiver in his voice, chin tucked down
he quietly said, "thanks for all you did.
mom would have been proud of you girls."
i hugged him saying, "dad, you both did
a good job raising us. thank you."
and because our hearts just can't stand him alone,
we promised to be back over on friday for
lunch, cookie baking, sheet washing and
maybe we'll toss in some vacuuming
just for extra fun!
there off to the side is the celebration service folder
that has a beautiful smiling picture of momma
on it. bleh.
although it's a gorgeous picture.
i didn't want to see it right that minute
and i told her that.
then i turned the stack upside-down.
i was not feeling smiley.
other times it gives me joy and comfort to see it.
dad has several sitting about his house.
ahhh.... the journey of grief.
bleh.
sister-bird and i spent the night on the farm with dad,
cooked and ate meals with him.
wrote a zillion thank-yous while
dad wandered about the rooms or napped.
we even found a few things to giggle over.
the three of us sat at the bar for meals
just like the 5 of us used to do.
dad said " I wonder what mom's having
for breakfast."
we decided it was grapefruit.
there is a new 'pet' on the farm.
we're calling him Peppy 'le Pew.
he wanders out in the morning and
evening for the cat food dad puts out,
ironically, for the cats...not Peppy.
he did make an appearance last wednesday
evening when lots of family was visiting us.
sigh
someday his life will be shortened.
soon hopefully.
sister-bird and i folded up a huge heavy
king-sized gorgeous quilted bedspread.
it took both of us to do it, then
she waddled down the hall to put it away.
(remember she's small in stature and it's heavy)
dad watched her go, grinned,
then mumbled "i don't know about u two."
last week when we both were literally
loosing items in the shuffle of plans and
such, dad said to me " your sister can't find
her glasses, you can't find your paper..."
i giggled and asked "i know pops, what
are you gonna do with us?"
" keep you."
ah sweetness.
later as we loaded up our jammies and such
our hearts break to leave him.
these are HARD HARD days for all of, but
certainly for dad.
with a quiver in his voice, chin tucked down
he quietly said, "thanks for all you did.
mom would have been proud of you girls."
i hugged him saying, "dad, you both did
a good job raising us. thank you."
and because our hearts just can't stand him alone,
we promised to be back over on friday for
lunch, cookie baking, sheet washing and
maybe we'll toss in some vacuuming
just for extra fun!
Monday, January 23, 2012
nicknames
i've got several...jan-susan, sister-susie, blue-eyed bug
and more.
i've given several too. not only to my kids
but their friends. usually they just laugh at me
and let me be myself.
that's including you lisa-lou, jessie-lou, and sarah irene.
mom often called us by a name other than our birth one.
daughters and granddaughters alike have been called
susannah, susie-q, and rinder-celly if we were cleaning.
and more i know.
in fact when choosing the name of our child it's a
well known fact we have considered just how
it would be shortened and/or adjusted. : )
my brother called my darling baby reebok.
he wasn't being rude...when you get a nickname
it's complimentary, an expression of love.
(yes we are weird, but happy)
one of dad's older brothers gave my siblings and I
nicknames. we were sis, joe, and i was sally-gooden.
no clue as to why.
my mom's nickname on her side of the family is reenie.
she loved it. that's short for her given name, maureen.
so how did my sister become bird?
good question Janie. and it's a simple answer.
one of her nicknames was carely-bird. i don't know why.
but we shortened it to bird.
she is small boned, maybe that has something to
do with it?
one of momma's aunts was called honey.
which i think has to do with honey spilled on her.
would you help me with this please, stephanie?
several of my brown eyed handsome mans
aunts and uncle have nicknames.
uncle whoppy is because he always told
a whopper of a tale!
one was punk. short for punkin because
he was cute.
of course my kids have an assortment of
nicknames. katie-bug, mighty-mouse, rose-bud,
be-bop, j, b, r, kat, lucy, sonner, patty-cate..
the list goes on.
i have a tendency to call males by their
middle name though. no reasoning there either.
it's tricky now because my hubby and son share
a middle name that just also happens to be my
son-in-loves first name!
or sometimes i will use first and middle name together.
my favorite son-in-love asked recently, " was there a comma in
that list of names?"
he needed to know if he was included in that request list.
wise man.
we've not managed to scare him off yet.
not that we ever would. he's a keeper.
hmmm....i've really not given him a nick name yet.
other than rmg for the wedding blog.
maybe i've just found his....
and more.
i've given several too. not only to my kids
but their friends. usually they just laugh at me
and let me be myself.
that's including you lisa-lou, jessie-lou, and sarah irene.
mom often called us by a name other than our birth one.
daughters and granddaughters alike have been called
susannah, susie-q, and rinder-celly if we were cleaning.
and more i know.
in fact when choosing the name of our child it's a
well known fact we have considered just how
it would be shortened and/or adjusted. : )
my brother called my darling baby reebok.
he wasn't being rude...when you get a nickname
it's complimentary, an expression of love.
(yes we are weird, but happy)
one of dad's older brothers gave my siblings and I
nicknames. we were sis, joe, and i was sally-gooden.
no clue as to why.
my mom's nickname on her side of the family is reenie.
she loved it. that's short for her given name, maureen.
so how did my sister become bird?
good question Janie. and it's a simple answer.
one of her nicknames was carely-bird. i don't know why.
but we shortened it to bird.
she is small boned, maybe that has something to
do with it?
one of momma's aunts was called honey.
which i think has to do with honey spilled on her.
would you help me with this please, stephanie?
several of my brown eyed handsome mans
aunts and uncle have nicknames.
uncle whoppy is because he always told
a whopper of a tale!
one was punk. short for punkin because
he was cute.
of course my kids have an assortment of
nicknames. katie-bug, mighty-mouse, rose-bud,
be-bop, j, b, r, kat, lucy, sonner, patty-cate..
the list goes on.
i have a tendency to call males by their
middle name though. no reasoning there either.
it's tricky now because my hubby and son share
a middle name that just also happens to be my
son-in-loves first name!
or sometimes i will use first and middle name together.
my favorite son-in-love asked recently, " was there a comma in
that list of names?"
he needed to know if he was included in that request list.
wise man.
we've not managed to scare him off yet.
not that we ever would. he's a keeper.
hmmm....i've really not given him a nick name yet.
other than rmg for the wedding blog.
maybe i've just found his....
Sunday, January 22, 2012
My Grief Rights
brown eyed handsome man and i have been
privileged to spend time with some grieving parents
for a few years. i've learned so much from them, and love
them all dearly. i know the loss of a child is different than
when other family members die. however, there are
many things in common too.
we've been discussing Understanding Your Grief
by Alan D. Wolfelt.
he has also published a list of grief rights.
1. i have the right to have my own unique
feelings about the death.
2. i have the right to talk about my grief
whenever i feel like talking.
3. i have the right to show my feelings
of grief in my own way.
4. i have the right to need other people to
help me with my grief, people who care about me.
5. i have the right to get upset
about normal everyday problems.
6. i have the right to have "griefbursts".
7. i have the right to use my beliefs about my
god to help me deal with my feelings of grief.
8. i have the right to try to figure out why
the person i loved died.
9. i have the right to think and talk about my
memories of the person who died.
10. i have the right to move toward and feel
my grief, and, over time, to heal.
we all grieve differently.
we all need to allow people that right.
and...
we need to give ourselves grace to mourn.
Dr. Wolfelt says mourning is grief gone public.
i've done some of that.
even when i tried not too.
just didn't want to upset my kids.
well...
that went out the window yesterday.
i am not ashamed to tell you i
lay down on my kitchen floor in pain.
i wailed, i sobbed, and wailed some more.
my kids were there beside me.
when i could, i sat up and talked to them
about mom's last day here on earth.
my grief had gone public, i was mourning.
and that is OKAY.
it is good to do.
if you are hurting,
let it out folks.
it's gonna come out one way or another.
i cried at physical therapy friday.
it hurts lots to get a shoulder back to moving..
compound that with my hearts ache. ack.
but they were great. just let me sob as i
needed to.
like most things in life,
mourning is a journey.
it isn't set in those misunderstood
stages of grief. those were written for a totally
different scenario. besides...mourning is not orderly,
it's messy. you will feel things more than once.
even years can pass by and grief will slap
you in the back of the head. it's just the way it is.
yes, i will be journaling about my mourning journey here, at times.
it's what i do. u can read along, or not...
i know i'm not the only one who's lost a mom.
but this is my journey and each persons is
different.
if my ramblings help you, hallelujah,.
rest assured...it does help me.
today i feel strong enough emotionally to
go to church. so i shall try.
deep breath...in ...out.
"be strong and take heart
all of you who hope in the Lord."
Psalm 31:24
"my hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness...
on Christ the solid rock i stand all
other ground is sinking sand.."
privileged to spend time with some grieving parents
for a few years. i've learned so much from them, and love
them all dearly. i know the loss of a child is different than
when other family members die. however, there are
many things in common too.
we've been discussing Understanding Your Grief
by Alan D. Wolfelt.
he has also published a list of grief rights.
1. i have the right to have my own unique
feelings about the death.
2. i have the right to talk about my grief
whenever i feel like talking.
3. i have the right to show my feelings
of grief in my own way.
4. i have the right to need other people to
help me with my grief, people who care about me.
5. i have the right to get upset
about normal everyday problems.
6. i have the right to have "griefbursts".
7. i have the right to use my beliefs about my
god to help me deal with my feelings of grief.
8. i have the right to try to figure out why
the person i loved died.
9. i have the right to think and talk about my
memories of the person who died.
10. i have the right to move toward and feel
my grief, and, over time, to heal.
we all grieve differently.
we all need to allow people that right.
and...
we need to give ourselves grace to mourn.
Dr. Wolfelt says mourning is grief gone public.
i've done some of that.
even when i tried not too.
just didn't want to upset my kids.
well...
that went out the window yesterday.
i am not ashamed to tell you i
lay down on my kitchen floor in pain.
i wailed, i sobbed, and wailed some more.
my kids were there beside me.
when i could, i sat up and talked to them
about mom's last day here on earth.
my grief had gone public, i was mourning.
and that is OKAY.
it is good to do.
if you are hurting,
let it out folks.
it's gonna come out one way or another.
i cried at physical therapy friday.
it hurts lots to get a shoulder back to moving..
compound that with my hearts ache. ack.
but they were great. just let me sob as i
needed to.
like most things in life,
mourning is a journey.
it isn't set in those misunderstood
stages of grief. those were written for a totally
different scenario. besides...mourning is not orderly,
it's messy. you will feel things more than once.
even years can pass by and grief will slap
you in the back of the head. it's just the way it is.
yes, i will be journaling about my mourning journey here, at times.
it's what i do. u can read along, or not...
i know i'm not the only one who's lost a mom.
but this is my journey and each persons is
different.
if my ramblings help you, hallelujah,.
rest assured...it does help me.
today i feel strong enough emotionally to
go to church. so i shall try.
deep breath...in ...out.
"be strong and take heart
all of you who hope in the Lord."
Psalm 31:24
"my hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness...
on Christ the solid rock i stand all
other ground is sinking sand.."
Saturday, January 21, 2012
January 20, 1952
a blue-eyed, chubby cheeked baby girl was born.
her parents were thrilled and totally in love with her.
right-fully so.
6 years later she became my big sister.
big is a relative term because even though
i am the youngest in my family,
i am also the tallest...next to dad.
( and that's up for debate now)
when i was in high school and she was
a young wife and mom, she became my friend, too.
each year that friendship has only become stronger.
we think alike and we do things very similar unknowingly.
for instance, in the 1990's we lived 18 hours apart
yet we managed to purchase the same pink sweater
sold at Kmart!
often when one of us calls the other.... we know it's her.
because we were just thinking of calling.
we've done that with our momma too.
let me tell you a recent happening.
it's the next morning after our momma
went to heaven. we were staying on the farm with dad.
i woke up way too early, and before dad and bird.
i don't hear any noises in her room, and have to
pause outside dads door listening for his breathing....
wanted to know if his broken heart led him to heaven.
as i sat sipping my hot tea these thoughts bounce in my brain
"it's okay God, if you have daddy now. i know his heart is
broken and he would be happier with you and momma.
but.... if my sister is dead..... i'm not gonna like it one bit.
i cannot-do not want to do this journey with out her."
when she FINALLY gets up i tell her about that conversation.
she's quiet, smiles, then said.
"i was laying in bed wondering about daddy, too. but i didn't hear
you moving about so i told God, she better not be dead!"
like i said, we have a tendency to think alike.
we did mild celebrating of her birthday this week.
her oldest son and family needed to leave early,
so we joined our food and celebrated at my home
on thursday.
since the mouse had gnawed on my number candles
i decided to make the numbers with regular candles.
we are classy like that.
well....
i get the 6 made, and then do the next number.
proudly present it to my favorite sister,
she looks at my handiwork, laughs and asked.
"why did you put 61? I'm only 60?"
oh bother...
however...from this angle...she is 19.
so it's okay.
really it was okay before. she thought it was funny.
she's cool like that.
and she still loves me.
good thing, i love her too.
friday, on her real birthday date we got together again.
i picked up our mom's younger sister aunt marjorie, and dad,
drove them to my sisters for barbeque brisket.
we toasted her with cupcakes while singing the birthday song.
she got a sweet surprise that morning. a lady who knew
us before we were born, life long friends of our folks,
called her up and sang happy birthday to her.
so sweet, so thoughtful, but kind of hard too.
yes our hearts are tender, tears at the ready,
but it's always good to feel the love .
we will go some place warm sister-bird,
before the winter swallows us up.
we will.
happy 60th and 1 day!
her parents were thrilled and totally in love with her.
right-fully so.
6 years later she became my big sister.
big is a relative term because even though
i am the youngest in my family,
i am also the tallest...next to dad.
( and that's up for debate now)
when i was in high school and she was
a young wife and mom, she became my friend, too.
each year that friendship has only become stronger.
we think alike and we do things very similar unknowingly.
for instance, in the 1990's we lived 18 hours apart
yet we managed to purchase the same pink sweater
sold at Kmart!
often when one of us calls the other.... we know it's her.
because we were just thinking of calling.
we've done that with our momma too.
let me tell you a recent happening.
it's the next morning after our momma
went to heaven. we were staying on the farm with dad.
i woke up way too early, and before dad and bird.
i don't hear any noises in her room, and have to
pause outside dads door listening for his breathing....
wanted to know if his broken heart led him to heaven.
as i sat sipping my hot tea these thoughts bounce in my brain
"it's okay God, if you have daddy now. i know his heart is
broken and he would be happier with you and momma.
but.... if my sister is dead..... i'm not gonna like it one bit.
i cannot-do not want to do this journey with out her."
when she FINALLY gets up i tell her about that conversation.
she's quiet, smiles, then said.
"i was laying in bed wondering about daddy, too. but i didn't hear
you moving about so i told God, she better not be dead!"
like i said, we have a tendency to think alike.
we did mild celebrating of her birthday this week.
her oldest son and family needed to leave early,
so we joined our food and celebrated at my home
on thursday.
since the mouse had gnawed on my number candles
i decided to make the numbers with regular candles.
we are classy like that.
well....
i get the 6 made, and then do the next number.
proudly present it to my favorite sister,
she looks at my handiwork, laughs and asked.
"why did you put 61? I'm only 60?"
oh bother...
however...from this angle...she is 19.
so it's okay.
really it was okay before. she thought it was funny.
she's cool like that.
good thing, i love her too.
friday, on her real birthday date we got together again.
i picked up our mom's younger sister aunt marjorie, and dad,
drove them to my sisters for barbeque brisket.
we toasted her with cupcakes while singing the birthday song.
she got a sweet surprise that morning. a lady who knew
us before we were born, life long friends of our folks,
called her up and sang happy birthday to her.
so sweet, so thoughtful, but kind of hard too.
yes our hearts are tender, tears at the ready,
but it's always good to feel the love .
we will go some place warm sister-bird,
before the winter swallows us up.
we will.
happy 60th and 1 day!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
the message from momma
Remember
We are here today to remember those loved ones who are no longer with us. We appreciate the influence they had on our lives. Saying goodbye is never easy. When we have to say goodbye at the death of a loved one it can be heart wrenching. It is natural and normal to grieve. We miss the physical presence of our loved ones. Whatever the circumstances surrounding the loss, whether it is quick and sudden or a prolonged illness, it causes us great sorrow. But we do not sorrow as those who have no hope, for we have the hope of eternal life. Love knows no boundaries! Jesus said in my Father’s house there are many rooms. Heaven is described as a home where family lives. It is a time and place to renew our friendships and love – a large family reunion. The Bible says we will set down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. If we recognize the patriarchs, even though we have never met them, we will certainly have the capacity to recognize one another and enjoy each other’s company. Just as we visit, reminisce and tell stories of people and events from the past at reunions, we will share memories and stories of loved ones that are no longer with us. We will talk of joys and laughter we shared, of special characteristics of each of our loved ones. In this manner we help keep our memories alive and create traditions and foundations of family strengths for younger members coming on.
In my family we have lost young members. My great niece Paige died at the age of 7 after battling a rare cancer for nearly 3 years. Though her life here was short, termed by our standards, our laughing little angel gave so much joy, love and light to all who knew her.
The Bible says there will be a great multitude that no one could count from every nation, tribe, people and language standing before the throne. Rev 7-9
Goodbyes are not the end, for we were created for eternity. When we view our goodbyes in light of eternity, we can find peace in realizing how very temporary they really are
And so to my family and friends, goodbye for now.
Maureen Hantz Burrows
We found this in a notebook the night mom died. Our best guess it was written sometime in the years 2008-2010.
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