nightmares and necklaces

okey dokey, for our next lesson in 
"how to mourn successfully"...

first something i don't suggest:
i shall not recommend dreaming like i've been.
nearly all of the past weekend nights
were spent dreaming about mom,
or dreaming about death
or situations of conflict.
these are really not nightmares,
but nothing comforting about them at all.

it's interesting how grief is manifesting itself,
but once again... i don't like it.
would prefer the crying i think. 
in fact am going to work on that.
crying. 
am needing to release some grief so 
i checked out some sad-ish books at the library.
that should get me going.  

second, something i do recommend:

sunday i wore some of mom's jewelry. 
actually a remake of her jewelry.
about a year ago, with her permission,
i took an old broken beaded necklace i remember she
wore when i was a little girl. 
it was one i thought
'wow momma's really dressed up. 
she has on that necklace'.
even though she told me when i took it that it wasn't 
one of her favorites, i still had fond memories.

so... i contacted a creative young mom-friend
who makes jewelry.
www.cacrafts.etsy.com


i asked her to make me a bracelet first.
she used the beads and the neck clasp and 
created a stunning piece. 
my teacher daughter and i love it. 
then we asked for perhaps a necklace?
miss creative connie made a few more pieces.
(there were lots of beads) 
she did add a few other jewelry trinkets 
enhancing them. and they are lovely.


this past sunday i was missing momma.
so i wore the bracelet, a necklace and 
a pair of the earrings. 
this is a big thing because they all match.


fyi, i am weird and as a rule do not wear
matching jewelry. 
coordinating pieces,
yes, but matching ones...no. 

regardless of my crazy oddities,
i felt comforted sunday wearing my 
momma's jewelry. 
and because we had it remade into
a more current style, we wear it more 
often. just an fyi.


on sunday i also found myself with this thought
"i'll call mom and tell ...." 
nope.
that does sting i do admit.
and last week when my emotions were
run-aways i wrote her a letter.
i also hugged my heart-broken poppa
when he tearfully said " it gets lonely around here".
i agreed. then said, "we all miss her deeply dad.
these days are hard."


ahh sweet Jesus, we need your comfort.