Letting go, or not

what a week its been.
hurricane harvey stirring up trouble
along with concerns for our son
and his lady. 
he was working off shore, she was manning 
their home. 
thankful to report minimal leaking
of their roof is all they had.
still there was a bit of concern from this momma.

that was the start of several days of many concerns
and tender heart moments.
within 9 days I not only had harvey 
to contend with emotionally, 
but several other things. 
a sweet aunt slipped into heaven.
then a cousin also did 9 days later.
goodbyes are rarely easy.
 
add all that to the big weekend.

hubby had decided to hike a big mountain
in honor of his 60th year. 
he chose Labor Day weekend to do so.
our kids wanted to come
so we rented a big cabin.
they bought airline tickets
and the anticipation began.

except...harvey...
challenges were strong getting our son
off the rig. 
delays more than once thwarted plans.
i kept saying "God knows best" 
and kept praying for safety 
and wisdom.

endless plans, 
innumerable flights changed
and a few anxious moments,
but they did arrive, only a day late.
thanks be to God.

sunday was hiking day for three brave souls.
water, snacks, sunscreen, etc packed
and off they went at 7:30 am.
hubby was certain they would be back by 1.
i was thinking more like 3 or 4.

i got to spend the day with our
grandson, youngest daughter, 
very weary son and his lady.
we enjoyed a relaxing day.
we received updates on the hikers
and knew all was going well.
 
however it was taking longer than we/they thought.
much longer.
that's fine, still time to get down before dark.
uh huh   ............
well dark was quickly coming and i began to get
anxious.
its 7 pm. way past 1, 3 and 4.
what if they got stuck on the trail?
no blankets only jackets
but bears and other wildlife.
do I call someone or what and when? 
i was anxious. 
i was tired.
i finally said a bit forcefully to our 3 kids that didn't hike.
" i'm getting weary of praying all you guys safe 
and where you are supposed to be. 
if you would just be 
where you are supposed to be when you are supposed to be,
it would be easier on me. "
(notice the me factor.)
like they can control the weather

i pulled the grandsons pull toy
train around and around the couch
following him like he requested.
(it was his parents hiking with granddad
so he was getting anxious too.)
settle down grammie, you know better.

praise the Lord 30 minutes later the hikers arrived
safe and sound at 7:30 pm.

sure was good to give hubby a big hug. 
i hung on extra long even.
my emotions had been spent. 
too many ups and downs for nine days.

regardless of my anxiety God has remained
faithful.
why I struggled with that one last bit
of letting go? 
too many roller coaster situations and emotions
is my guess.

good thing God wasn't worried. 

Holiday Memories 2016

pondering things on my mind these days...

-watching the morning birds dining at the feeder 

with our eight month old grandson. 

-seeing our daughter's reaction to the surprise 

of their brother showing up for Christmas.

much squealing, hugging, and jumping was involved. 

they are all adults too. 😍

-laughter with all our kids in our home...

at the same time. 

(last time we enjoyed a holiday

all together was in 2012.)

-holding the hand of my dying friend,

and silly conversations with her and her family. 

- the joy and excitement a baby 

brings to our home.

-watching that little butterbean charm the socks off

his uncle and aunts. 

- a pew, or two, full of family at mass with 

my mom-in-love. 

-reconnecting with old friends from faraway. 

thanks be to God. 

It's the little things

or one " little thing" in particular.
his name is butter - bean.
Not really, but that seems to be the name
That slips most often from my mouth.
Or the words " oh my grandson I love you".

I recently figured something out about my heart.
Or maybe I put things together
Regardless, I've been saying for the past 8 1/2 months
How I don't feel so empty now.
This precious gift has filled up the holes
In my heart.
Holes that came after the deaths of my parents.

Sometimes I would ponder on that fact.
Just what how did that work?
I feel like I still love my parents
And always will.
So how can I feel empty and sometimes alone?

Finally it dawned on me..
Now I have a person for that love to go.
A sweet dark eyed, ear to ear grinning
Little bundle of drool and baby chatter
To give my love to.
I can hug him.
I can kiss his chubby cheeks and nuzzle his neck
Until he literally gives out these cute
Deep baby giggles.

Oh my world is always good.
Blessed.
But to have this heart stealing charmer to give
Love to...
such a gift.

Thanks God for butter bean.

A table full

yesterday I put the leaves back in under the dining table.
All but one chick had left the nest,
It was time to make the table smaller.
As I remembered the recent meals of love and giggles
I couldn't help but travel back in my memories.

We've fed many bodies around this stately yet sturdy gift
In the 16 years we've had it.
We've eaten an assortment of good food.
Played innumerable rounds of spoons, phase 10, catch phrase, just to name a few.
We've been honored to host both sides of our family,
Our friends, our children's friends, missionaries,
and more.

Before this was our table it had lived a few years of a quiet life on the farm.
You see, it was my paternal grandmas table and she died in 1969.
From then until 2001 the table only hosted my old bachelor uncles mail on the old lace cloth.
And then it came back to life in our home.

However in its previous life it had been loved and well used by
My cousins by the dozens,
Aunts, uncles, and even grandparents sat there before
It became mine.

As I slid each leaf back into storage I couldn't help but
Think of the grandpa I never knew.
Where did he get this cherished piece?
And did he ever think that someday a great great grandson
Would dine at it too?
Five generations of family have eaten at the same table.

Seems like it was a wise investment.
Thanks grandpa.

Almost here

Our grand baby is almost here.
Due date is two weeks from yesterday.
Was nice to turn the calendar to April
Because I know it's closer .

Yes I'm looking forward to this new adventure.

Brown eyed handsome man and I saw the movie
Big Fat Greek Wedding II today.
We laughed and laughed.
So many life situations we identified with
And there are just some funny lines
And unexpected things.

We also shed a few tears.
Again situations we identify with.
Tender times of love, life changes,
Family events.
I remember celebrating with family and friends
Our daughters wedding.
All the planning and then the fun too.
And now a baby for that bride and her hubby.

My heart went to the lines in another terrific movie
Fiddler on the Roof, and the song Sunrise Sunset.
" I don't remember growing older,  when did they?"
You guessed it.
My eyes got teary.
Our " little girl" is soon to be loving on her
own baby.
Where did the years go?

Pull yourself together here Grammie.
Change is life.
Life is change.

my heritage

for about an hour i had
a young inquisitive visitor.
(his parents and grandpa
were doing some work
on our house.)
he arrived after school
and proudly told his 
grandpa he moved up a
reading level!
after some playing outside
he was in to sit and chat.

while his busy hands
twisted the fringe on my afghan
i heard about "the beat".
"i can do it outside."
and he demonstrated
clap stomp clap stomp.
although it didn't sound
as good as in the gym
full of kids he said.

i tell him about the squirrel
that stood up on hind feet,
hands splayed peering
in my big picture window
looking for the birdseed i
brought inside to keep
mr. squirrel out of it!

soon we are watching 
the backyard birds dine.
birds swoop in perching
on the dried flower stems
waiting in line for their turn.
the blue jays colors catch our eye
as it zips about in the evergreen trees.
i get the binoculars for easier 
identification of other birds.
we see finches, sparrows and 
chickadees.

so much enjoyment i'm getting
from life via a first grade boy. 
all too soon the work is done
and off they go.

and i think fondly of my mom.

she would have done the same thing...
and her mom who did too.
and my aunti who still does.

i think that's a mighty fine
heritage to have.
 

 

 
 

 
 



 

 

 

 

today is good

four years ago was a hard hard day.
four years ago my sweet momma 
moved to heaven.
sometimes it seemed like my heart went with her.

the year after she died was full of sorrow,
sometimes confusion, lots of weeping,
and taking it a day (or minute) at a time.

but today my heart is not broken.
my eyes are not weeping.
my spirit feels thankful.
its been more of a celebration
than mourning.
how blessed to be the daughter of
some pretty terrific people.
my folks weren't perfect,
but i had a mighty fine "raising".

so this day and this week i've been
celebrating life.
i brought home fresh flowers in 
memory of not only mom, 
but my father-in-love.

lots of happy life happening here.
i've watched the squirrels
play tag around the trees.
seen the birds splash and slurp
in the bird bath.
and have felt blessed all week.

thanks be to God for these
gifts of life.