why?

momma asks me "why?
why am i still here?
why are people praying for me to live?
why can't they see i'll be better in heaven?"

and with all the astounding wisdom 
in my head i reply,
" i don't know." 


we agree that for a believer, 
heaven is graduation.
so why wouldn't we all be praying for that for her.


i assured her i am. 
she was relieved. 


friday, momma was weary still. 
not the energy i saw on wednesday.
she said " i've had a lot of company"
meaning, " i need more down time."
so when my hubby stops by, 
 i only let him stay about 15 minutes,
and i go watch the bingo players and birds
for about an hour so momma can nap.


you see, i noticed weeks ago, while 
she was still on the farm something interesting.
if it's just momma, me, daddy or sister-bird,
mom will allow her weariness to show.
but if anyone else is around, 
she makes herself be "company pleasant."
which is okay...
except...
it takes a TREMENDOUS amount of energy
and she ends up more weary. 

and selfishly, i want to protect her
so while she is still with us, 
she can be not quite so exhausted.


daddy walked in moms room yesterday 
late afternoon, looking dapper.
he had a grin on his face, 
had gotten his "ears lowered".
and wouldn't you know it...
he had on a bright blue shirt.
it looks great with his white hair and blue eyes.
he must think so too, 
because he had it on wednesday.
and probably monday. 

: )

i looked it over, it wasn't visibly dirty,
and besides he did laundry wednesday or thursday. 

he kept checking his watch and commenting..
'i need to leave in about 20 minutes."


i'm thinking its because he knows he needs 
to be home before dark. it's a 10 mile drive
in the country, through some hills. 
he has poor eye sight. 


well, i was wrong..kind of.
he was going over to my brothers for supper.
they've taken some food over to him,
but this time he wasn't eating by himself.
:-)


yesterday was bath day for momma,
but when they schedule it late in the day,..
that's not a good plan.
so today, due to a shortage of workers,
(ack, i hate to hear that)
they were going to give her a bath this morning.
at 5:30 A.M.

i suggested momma could wait until monday perhaps.
" i want a bath." 
okay. 
she's probably awake about then anyway.


the evening had arrived,
it was time for me to get on the one hr drive home.
i don't see too good after dark either.


momma would say, "you need to get going."
and then we would talk about something else.
i even got her to laugh...
twice. 
loved seeing her mile wide smile. 


as i left, giving her the usual kiss and love
i said
" if you decide to go to heaven before i get back..
it's fine."
"okay" she said.
and then i continued,
" just tell everyone hi for me, when you get there!"


she grinned,
and i drove home with a bright full moon
making my pathway brighter. 


i don't know why,
but i do know WHO.
and know He is in control.