whew

momma's days are coming to an end.
stomach pain now leads to a pain pill, 
along w/distension.
the diuretic is working but
maybe not good enough.
sister bird said she is still swollen
as of friday afternoon.

it's hard to know what to do,
where to be.
current plans have me headed
to the care home around 10 a.m. today.


right now i want to go.
i also want to be sleeping.
not doing either.


physical therapy for my shoulder on friday
wasn't too good.
it really hurt to do the lifts and stretches.
therapist worked on loosening it up
and finally said it was pointless.
he got the ice and i rested.
i had gone in with achey shoulders and neck.
i guess my shoulder socket was tight
and inflamed.
go figure.


as i left i told  him how my thursday had gone 
and perhaps that was a contributing factor.
resolved to do ice-ing at home,
warm shower before therapy,
get out the massager thing too.


now i just want to go see momma.
give my extremely weary dad
a break. i hope he went home
last night. i don't know.
i slept for 4 hours and can't go 
back to sleep.


yesterday morning i re-arranged
my therapy, chatted w/our youngest
making plans to visit her soon.
like Sunday-tuesday.
who knows now?
she's 5 hours away and will
my daughter-heart be able to leave
so my momma-heart can function?


i truely don't believe my energizer-bunny
momma will be here much longer.
her big loving heart can't handle all that
water drowning her body. 


i don't like this.


okay, just called the care home
yes it's 6:25 a.m.
that does not matter.
the nurse said night time reports
said momma rested well.
thankyou Jesus.
it sounds like daddy went home.
nurse also said it could take awhile
for the water to leave. 
we need diuretic to work slowly,
okay.
i'll work on my mind getting
that message grasped.


still going over.
need to give daddy a break.
he's feeling like momma needs 
someone there more often.
so does momma i think.
and truthfully, it's probably
the best. we learned a long time
ago having a patient advocate 
at hospitals, etc is in the best 
interest for the patient.


maybe i can catch a nap now.