My Grief Rights

brown eyed handsome man and i have been 
privileged to spend time with some grieving parents
for a few years. i've learned so much from them, and love 
them all dearly. i know the loss of a child is different than
when other family members die. however, there are
many things in common too.
we've been discussing Understanding Your Grief
by Alan D. Wolfelt. 
he has also published a list of grief rights.
1. i have the right to have my own unique 
feelings about the death.
2. i have the right to talk about my grief
whenever i feel like talking.
3. i have the right to show my feelings 
of grief in my own way.
4. i have the right to need other people to 
help me with my grief, people who care about me.
5. i have the right to get upset
about normal everyday problems.
6. i have the right to have "griefbursts".
7. i have the right to use my beliefs about my
god to help me deal with my feelings of grief.
8. i have the right to try to figure out why
the person i loved died.
9. i have the right to think and talk about my
memories of the person who died.
10. i have the right to move toward and feel
my grief, and, over time, to heal.


we all grieve differently.
we all need to allow people that right.
and...
we need to give ourselves grace to mourn.
Dr. Wolfelt says mourning is grief gone public.


i've done some of that. 
even when i tried not too.
just didn't want to upset my kids.
well...
that went out the window yesterday. 
i am not ashamed to tell you i 
lay down on my kitchen floor in pain.
i wailed, i sobbed, and wailed some more.
my kids were there beside me.
when i could, i sat up and talked to them
about mom's last day here on earth. 
my grief had gone public, i was mourning.
and that is OKAY. 
it is good to do. 


if you are hurting, 
let it out folks.
it's gonna come out one way or another.
i cried at physical therapy friday.
it hurts lots to get a shoulder back to moving..
compound that with my hearts ache. ack.
but they were great. just let me sob as i 
needed to. 

like most things in life, 
mourning is a journey.
it isn't set in those misunderstood
stages of grief. those were written for a totally
different scenario. besides...mourning is not orderly,
it's messy. you will feel things more than once.
even years can pass by and grief will slap 
you in the back of the head. it's just the way it is.


yes, i will be journaling about my mourning journey here, at times.
it's what i do. u can read along, or not...
i know i'm not the only one who's lost a mom.
but this is my journey and each persons is 
different.
if my ramblings help you, hallelujah,.
rest assured...it does help me. 


today i feel strong enough emotionally to
go to church. so i shall try. 
deep breath...in ...out.


"be strong and take heart
all of you who hope in the Lord."
Psalm 31:24


"my hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness...
on Christ the solid rock i stand all
other ground is sinking sand.."